The Church of Chocolate is … well, it’s a thought, a dream, an internet religious fantasy, providing ubiquitous social lubrication. The Church of Chocolate sprang into being ten years ago, mainly because I’m an ordained minister without an ordinary congregation or denomination. However, I do have a passion for bringing up people’s resonance, and fine chocolate is the best and fastest way to do that — plus, nobody has to conform to any particular religious affiliation. We’re a very broad church; we embrace all forms of chocolate — although we do draw the line at carob and other chocolate substitutes!
Here’s the serious part: if people truly realized that God is like chocolate, we would all get along a lot better. Think about it: like chocolate, God is omnipresent, makes every situation better, adds richness, depth and complexity, and brings up everyone’s resonance and vibration. It’s all about having a delicious life!
To help with that, to marry the physical and spiritual levels, I make assorted chocolate truffles, each based on 72% Belgian chocolate, unsalted butter, salt and flavorings:
- Peppermint: flavored with mint, creme de menthe and freshly ground black pepper
- Brandy Lego bricks: self-explanatory, I imagine
- Tangerine dream: tangerine based with a dollop of vegan cream cheese laced with maple syrup and vanilla
- Maple with spiced pecans: maple and whiskey flavors, topped with pecans toasted with brown sugar and spices
- Orange: chocolate flowers with orange and Grand Marnier
- Lemon-pistachio: lemon+limoncello topped with toasted pistachios
- Pomegranate: pomegranate flavor with a good dollop of pomegranate molasses, topped with Montmorency (sour) cherries
- Honey-almond: honey, almond, and amaretto flavors, with toasted sliced almonds
- Tequila-lime: as you would imagine, sprinkled with smoked salt
- Mocha-cardamom: coffee, coffee liqueur, cinnamon and cardamom — like Middle Eastern spiced coffee, only with chocolate!
- Hot spiced rum: rum flavoring with allspice, nutmeg, cinnamon, coriander, and a dollop of molasses, finished with chilli-lime sprinkles
- Fig-anise: Fig jam enlivened with subtle anise flavor and laced with 20-year-old balsamic vinegar — sounds odd but tastes amazing!
- Ginger: ground ginger, fresh ginger, ginger flavoring AND crystallized ginger on top!
- Raspberry Stars: raspberry and a touch of pomegranate molasses
- Bourbon Street Stars: bourbon flavoring with nutmeg, molasses, and a touch of chilli, dusted with brown sugar.
- Marzipan: a base flavored with buttered rum and amaretto, topped with marzipan
And, for those who can’t eat or dislike dairy, I make several flavors with avocado and coconut oil rather than butter:
- Lime-in-the-coconut — a dairy-free truffle flavored with lime, coconut, and avocado rather than butter — surprisingly delicious!
- Mocha-cardamom — same flavorings as the usual truffle, but no butter
- Peppermint — a delicate combination of essence of peppermint, creme de menthe and freshly ground pepper!
If you live in Santa Barbara area, call 805.440.5573, or email me at DrKyreAdept@gmail.com for samples and orders!
In the meantime, here is a sonnet… because I can:
O, Chocolate (with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth of Mars
All milk and dark and toothsome bitter bars
From the near and most exotic place.
I love thee to the level of each day’s
Guittard truffles made with such delight!
I love thee unto ScharffenBerger’s night
I love thee as I sing Godiva’s praise.
With passion do I nibble on the Vosges
Valrhona taunts and tickles with the best
I love thee, Callebaut, and also Dove
Even Hershey kisses here can rest
Ferrero smiles upon my tongue and so
With bars and boxes here we make our nest.