Chocolate Denominations

Chocolate Denominations

One day when I had an excess of 72% chocolate and nothing better to do, I devised this list for your edification and delight Remember, the more chocolate, the more intense your connection with Spirit!

Diverse sects of chocolate:

  1. Quakers and Shakers = 100% unsweetened, too much for most
  2. Roman Catholics = bittersweet, intense, acquired taste for many, important to have chocolate communion every day; object to exploration of other varieties
  3. Eastern Orthodox = Cadbury’s Crème Eggs
  4. Protestants = milk chocolate, watered down for accessibility but well-meaning
    1. Episcopalians/Anglican communion = chocolate fudge ripple ice cream (chosen frozen with a double dash of theology)
    2. Presbyterians = Dark Chocolate Digestive biscuits
    3. Methodists = Whitman’s or See’s variety chocolates
    4. Lutherans = German Baker’s Chocolate
    5. Southern Baptists = chocolate pecan brittle
    6. Pentacostals = Hershey bars – ubiquitous, think they are the only “real” church
    7. UCC/Congregationalists = M+Ms, or Chunky Monkey ice cream
    8. Unitarians = peanut M+Ms
    9. Science of Mind, Unity = Hershey’s Kisses
    10. Christian Science = Toblerone: milk chocolate, lots of nuts, funny shape
  5. Seventh Day Adventists: Almond Joy (coconut, almonds, chocolate veneer)
  6. LDS Church = Mint-chocolate UFOs
  7. Orthodox Judaism = plain cocoa nibs
  8. Reform Judaism = malted milk balls
  9. Kabbala = white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies
  10. Baha’i = Reese’s peanut-chocolate cups
  11. Islam = butterscotch chocolate chips
  12. Shinto = white chocolate
  13. Sufism = Chocolate ginger tart
  14. Buddhism = unroasted cocoa nibs
  15. Hare Krishnas = white chocolate chips
  16. Vedanta = cocoa butter
  17. Neopagans/wicca = trail mix with carob chips
  18. Scientology = YooHoo drink – tiny bit of chocolate, lots of marketing
  19. Humanists = carob chips – no spirituality at all <sigh>