Chocolate Denominations

One day when I had an excess of 72% chocolate and nothing better to do, I devised this list for your edification and delight Remember, the more chocolate, the more intense your connection with Spirit!

Diverse sects of chocolate:

1. Quakers and Shakers = 100% unsweetened, too much for most
2. Roman Catholics = bittersweet, intense, acquired taste for many, important to have chocolate communion every day; object to exploration of other varieties
3. Eastern Orthodox = Cadbury’s Crème Eggs
4. Protestants = milk chocolate, watered down for accessibility but well-meaning
   1. Episcopalians/Anglican communion = chocolate fudge ripple ice cream (chosen frozen with a double dash of theology)
   2. Presbyterians = Dark Chocolate Digestive biscuits
   3. Methodists = Whitman’s or See’s variety chocolates
   4. Lutherans = German Baker’s Chocolate
   5. Southern Baptists = chocolate pecan brittle
   6. Pentacostals = Hershey bars – ubiquitous, think they are the only “real” church
   7. UCC/Congregationalists = M+Ms, or Chunky Monkey ice cream
   8. Unitarians = peanut M+Ms
   9. Science of Mind, Unity = Hershey’s Kisses
   10. Christian Science = Toblerone: milk chocolate, lots of nuts, funny shape
5. Seventh Day Adventists: Almond Joy (coconut, almonds, chocolate veneer)
6. LDS Church = Mint-chocolate UFOs
7. Orthodox Judaism = plain cocoa nibs
8. Reform Judaism = malted milk balls
9. Kabbala = white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies
10. Baha’i = Reese’s peanut-chocolate cups
11. Islam = butterscotch chocolate chips
12. Shinto = white chocolate
13. Sufism = Chocolate ginger tart
14. Buddhism = unroasted cocoa nibs
15. Hare Krishnas = white chocolate chips
16. Vedanta = cocoa butter
17. Neopagans/wicca = trail mix with carob chips
18. Scientology = YooHoo drink – tiny bit of chocolate, lots of marketing
19. Humanists = carob chips – no spirituality at all <sigh>