Chocolate Denominations
One day when I had an excess of 72% chocolate and nothing better to do, I devised this list for your edification and delight Remember, the more chocolate, the more intense your connection with Spirit!
Diverse sects of chocolate:
- Quakers and Shakers = 100% unsweetened, too much for most
- Roman Catholics = bittersweet, intense, acquired taste for many, important to have chocolate communion every day; object to exploration of other varieties
- Eastern Orthodox = Cadbury’s Crème Eggs
- Protestants = milk chocolate, watered down for accessibility but well-meaning
- Episcopalians/Anglican communion = chocolate fudge ripple ice cream (chosen frozen with a double dash of theology)
- Presbyterians = Dark Chocolate Digestive biscuits
- Methodists = Whitman’s or See’s variety chocolates
- Lutherans = German Baker’s Chocolate
- Southern Baptists = chocolate pecan brittle
- Pentacostals = Hershey bars – ubiquitous, think they are the only “real” church
- UCC/Congregationalists = M+Ms, or Chunky Monkey ice cream
- Unitarians = peanut M+Ms
- Science of Mind, Unity = Hershey’s Kisses
- Christian Science = Toblerone: milk chocolate, lots of nuts, funny shape
- Seventh Day Adventists: Almond Joy (coconut, almonds, chocolate veneer)
- LDS Church = Mint-chocolate UFOs
- Orthodox Judaism = plain cocoa nibs
- Reform Judaism = malted milk balls
- Kabbala = white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies
- Baha’i = Reese’s peanut-chocolate cups
- Islam = butterscotch chocolate chips
- Shinto = white chocolate
- Sufism = Chocolate ginger tart
- Buddhism = unroasted cocoa nibs
- Hare Krishnas = white chocolate chips
- Vedanta = cocoa butter
- Neopagans/wicca = trail mix with carob chips
- Scientology = YooHoo drink – tiny bit of chocolate, lots of marketing
- Humanists = carob chips – no spirituality at all <sigh>